


I Still Love You

by drarryiscannon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, HP: EWE, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, POV Draco Malfoy, Sorry no fluff here, only suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-07-19 22:06:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7379221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drarryiscannon/pseuds/drarryiscannon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is not a fairytale, second chances are not promised. This is real life, and if you fuck up, you don't always get to fix it. Trust me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Still Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so mean to the boys oh my goD why am I like this. 
> 
> Reviews/Comments are always appreciated! ♥

I know he thinks that I didn't care; God only knows I did, though. I cared too much for my own good, I opened up and like the frail flower that I am I got trampled.

 

I'm not bitter, after all, it was my fault. 

I could never blame him, never, not even he if ever really deserved it. He already blames himself for everything, for the problems of his friends, Ron and Hermione, he blames himself for the deaths that occurred due to the War, he blames himself for not dying.

He is still blaming himself for letting someone love him, too. 

                           •••••••••••••••

Harry likes to say that he was never all that great, anyway, he wasn't incredibly skilled or talented, he wasn't extremely brave at all.

He likes to say that he was lucky, that he relied on luck and circumstance and being incredibly risky (and incredibly fucking dumb, if I might add).

Harry never gives himself any credit.

Let me tell you about luck. If you're lucky, maybe once or twice in your life you'll fall in love with someone. 

And I don't mean just want to fuck and sometimes go out and see a movie. I don't mean "settling". I mean, falling ridiculously and completely in love with another persons flaws, loving the way they do things differently from you. You will put them above your own self, always. 

You and them will become one; stardust and carbon atoms coming together in the most gorgeous way. 

If you're _really _lucky, though, like probably the luckiest person in the entire fucking universe, they will love you back just as much as you love them. Maybe even more.__

__But, you know what they say about luck, right?_ _

__It runs out, eventually._ _

__••••••••••••••••••_ _

__I still remember our very first kiss. We were still at Hogwarts. It was our sixth year._ _

__I had gotten drunk one night, and stumbled upon him in a quiet corridor, I still remember the way the shadows fell upon his face; like lace, the way his green eyes glistened in the dim light._ _

__"Malfoy? Merlin's sake, you reek of Firewhiskey." Harry said, slightly appalled._ _

__"Well, Harry, not all of us can smell like you, all bloody delicious. Saint Potter, always smelling like ink and broom polish and apples. I love apples you know, do you know why?" I asked him._ _

__"Um..."_ _

__"I'll tell you, I'll tell you why, because they're green, like your eyes, but they're not like your eyes because your eyes are so pretty, Harry, you're so fucking pretty and I hate it because you hate me."_ _

__Harry blinked a few times._ _

__"I don't."_ _

__"You don't what, Scarhead?"_ _

__"I don't hate you. I just sometimes hate the way you treat people. And act."_ _

__I giggled at that._ _

__"I'm just angry, Harry. It's frustrating, I want to kiss you and hold your dumb stupid famous hand and I want to feed you eclairs, you fucking idiot."_ _

__Harry blushed and laughed softly._ _

__"You're drunk, Malfoy."_ _

__"Well spotted, Potter, I see those glasses are doing you some good." I said dryly._ _

__"No. You're drunk, you don't mean any of this." Harry said softly, frowning._ _

__I crept a bit closer to him, leaning in close enough to blow in his ear, and press my forehead against his._ _

__Harry stared up at me with wide green eyes, and oh Salazar he was beautiful, so gorgeous and I wanted to kiss him so badly-_ _

__He pulled on my robes, tugging me down closer to him and kissed me, he kissed me softly, like he wasn't sure this was something he really wanted._ _

__I ran a shaking hand through his unruly hair, it was so soft, softer than anything I've felt, better than my finest robes._ _

__He pulled away._ _

__"Owl me tomorrow, if you haven't changed your mind in the morning." Harry said as he walked away._ _

__It's been five years now, and it's kind of funny, because he's the one who's changed his mind._ _

__•••••••••••••••••_ _

__People say some stupid shit._ _

__They say if you love something to set it free. They say it's better to love than to never love at all. They say time heals all wounds, but I'm still fucking bleeding all over myself and it's been a year since he left._ _

__It's been an entire year and the grass reminds me of his eyes, and I hate grocery stores because in the produce section there are apples, and I hate my teacups because Harry made the best tea and now I can't fucking drink it without vomiting._ _

__I drink coffee like those Muggle college students now._ _

__Like, the baristas at the Scooters down the street from my flat and I are on a first name basis._ _

__Harry and I never called each other by our first names, unless we were drunk or making love._ _

__So yeah, it still feels like I'm somehow cheating on him when Scott tells me to "Have a nice day, Draco."_ _

__I do not deserve anything nice._ _

__Not any more._ _


End file.
